The above photo is from my spec music video password: BRMC

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Take the ol' gal out for Dinner

Dear Blog,

I've neglected you.  

Neglected you like Tom Cruise neglects aging.

For the past few months I've been busy with work... going out with friends.  Weekend trips to New York and Tahoe,... spending money on delicious food and drinks... all while you dutifully sat here at home and didn't cost me a dime.  Yet you stayed here, waiting up for me every night.  Longing... hoping that I might give some hint of compassion, a small gesture of interest in you.  A quick flash of a click.  A pushed power button.  Did I turn you on?  Sorry, just checking my email.

But no... it's been months since I've posted an entry on you.

I have to admit Blog, I've cheated on you.  I've visited that blog brothel known as "ESPN College Football" and even "" quite frequently.  Oh yes.  

But the other night I came home and you were sitting on my desktop in the dark. 

Pitch black.  And then the computer lit up....  and I was caught.

But you didn't have a look of anger... 

No no.  It was a look of pity.  You held up my internet browser history and spoke, "NFL homepage...?"


"Really?  I never could have imagined you would stoop so low.  Maybe facebook, but ESPN NFL?!"

You covered your camera eye with a Victorian gracefulness-- weak in the legs from your raging imagination.  "...Browsing your hands all over that... filthy webpage...?!?".  I turned away ashamed, unable to look you in the URL.  

"Sailors go to that webpage".  


You then silently "force quitted" off my desktop while murmuring the words..."I accept you".

I CLUTCHED MY HEART, the horror!  Horror of not knowing who I've become!  How have we drifted so apart Blog?  I look at you and don't even know who you are!?  Who is this Blog in my home?  That sleeps on my computer?  And who am I?  I look at my reflection in my bowl of chicken soup and all I see is lifeless chucks of meat floating in a yellow melange of existence.  100 calories... but why!?!?  What the fuck does that have to do with anything!?!?

I must tell you Blog, when I first saw you I thought... "Your template is average".  "The interface... well, 'user friendly' (wink wink)".

And the whole waking up in Vegas one morning with a Blog on my computer was... well startling.  Yup.  I'd be dishonest if I said it wasn't just plain confusing.  But something about you caught on.  What was it?  The way you updated me on how many people were reading?  The way you gently caressed my words with your voluptuous red line and whispered sweet little corrections into my ear, "'Ninjas' is spelled with no silent 'ie' John"...

Or was it the passion of blogging late into the night!?  Of all those fun times we shared together? 

But then we grew old.  Drifted apart.  October rolled by.  Then November.  The trees in Los Angeles lost their palm fronds.  The sun began to set early in an orange nuclear vastness.

Yet... when no one "followed" my writing... when no one "commented"... when no one "liked" me... you were still there for me Blog, you were.  

That night of our "frank exchange of words" I walked down to the beach by myself.  After thwarting an attempted mugging by 14 year olds (true story), I discovered something...

A realization.  A realization that Hot Tub Time Machine is a deeply magical movie.  But also a realization of why we started this crazy journey together.  No matter the time and place, I like you Blog.  I miss you.  We may have changed in these few months-- you got "updated", while I got older, but we still like each other, don't we?  And that silent genocide of my hair color by a few individual grey hairs... does that bother you?  Am I still not the same person you signed up with?


My dear Blog, I'm shining my shoes, taking a shower and dusting off my laptop.  I'm going to take you out for a fun night of blogging.  Yes, like old times, ol' gal.  Lets paint the town with self-serving and obnoxious blogging of the EPICC type.  What's that you say?  Oh, "Epic" is spelled with only one "C"?  Oh, you crazy!

We leave for France in a couple weeks Blog... for the Clermont-Ferrand Film Festival.  Yes, we will spend some time together and rejuvenate.  Share some good food, good films, and good stories.  And we will walk the boulevards of Paris at night Blog.  And no, I won't be distracted by those French girls.  Nope, not one bit.  

And maybe this whole crazy shotgun blogging might just stick.  Maybe we can start slow, once a month at first, a "Blog Night" possibly, and then more.  Who knows?  The world is limitless...

I'm holding out my hand to you Blog...  You complete me.  

Will you take me back?  

What's that???  

"Fuck you John????".

Well too bad, I'll just sign up with wordpress bitch.